Dieper Dinge Deeper Things

“When we begin to feel in its fullness the love of God, we begin also to love our neighbour in the experience of the Spirit. That is the love of which the Scriptures speak. For friendship according to the flesh breaks down too easily on the slightest pretext. The reason is that it lacks the bond of the Spirit. Therefore even if a certain irritation takes hold of the soul on which God is acting, that does not break the bond of love. For if it has been set ablaze again by the fire of divine love, it seeks with great joy to love its neighbour, even if in return it has to undergo wrongs or insults. In fact, the bitterness of the quarrel is entirely consumed in the sweetness of God.”
Diadochus of Photike

I had a quarrel with a friend recently and both of our attitudes disappointed me so deeply, that I realised anew that we are mere babes in spiritual matters.

The best test or indication of spiritual progress is our ability to love. It has to be unselfish love founded on respect, service and unbiased affection that asks nothing in return. A deep empathy that takes us out of ourselves to feel with and even ‘in’ the other person.

This love and empathy gives us the ability to discover in the other person an inward nature as mysterious and deep as our own, but also very different from our own. It enables us to accept and respect the other person and to embrace the differences as part of the variety in God’s perfect creation.

Such love makes it possible to handle the differences in opinion with love and respect, instead of ascribing differing views to lack of wisdom or stupidity. We have a strong and constant tendency to justify ourselves by condemning other people. We so easily fall into the trap of condemning others and gossiping about them under the pretext of ‘praying for them’ or of expressing ‘concern’.

For the person who wants to grow spiritually, the Gospel command not to judge is crucial. The spiritual fathers wrote that greed and vanity are passions that belong to those who are spiritual novices, but for the more advanced, failure always comes from judgement pronounced on others. Virtue consists in refusing to despise anyone.

In the spiritual realm, true humility and true love means knowing that we ourselves are guilty in everything and for everyone. The spiritual person hides the faults and failures of others, instead of rejoicing in it and proclaiming it to others, just as Christ washes our sins in his blood.

Maximus the Confessor listed some attitudes that may help us to overcome lack of love:

1) Realise that every refusal to forgive another person deprives you of Christ. We were taught to pray: ‘Forgive us our trespasses as (to the extent that) we forgive those who trespass against us.’ The gospel requires us to be reconciled with others before bringing our gift to the altar. We have to forgive, before daring to pray to God. Be reconciled with others before going to bed at night.

2) In arguments, avoid self-justification and the sort of psychological analysis that, on the pretext of objectivity or lucidity, reduces the mystery of the other person and becomes a subtle means of destroying them, a shrewd form of malice.

3) Do not avoid people that annoy or you, but try humbly and gently to clear up the misunderstanding. If that is not possible, pray for that person and refuse to speak evil of him or her. Accept excuses that others make for that person and defend him or her in conversations and your internal dialogue. Realise that you do not have love or spiritual freedom until you can close your eyes to the faults of a friend.

Let us remind ourselves regularly of this wisdom so that we can truly love one another as Christ loves us.

Resources:

Olivier Clèment 1993. The Roots of Christian Mysticism. Texts from the Patristic Era with Commentary. London: New City Press.